Homegirl A River Lily (check her blog out here!) recently inspired me to write a fun little post about my personal experience with products that just have not clicked for me at all. Hopefully the rest of the beauty blogosphere will be able to relate!
#1 The I-Just-Spend-My-College-Tuition-On-This-Stuff Phase
Now let me be absolutely clear. I only hate makeup that is expensive and bad at the same time. A three dollar blush that went on patchy? Forgiven. A fifty dollar bronzer that went on patchy? May. You. Rot. In. Hell. Thus, whenever I pick up the courage to try out an expensive makeup product, I’m already judging it when it’s still in that Sephora bag in my car, just waiting for it to be less than perfect. Only Leo can capture the feels.
#2 The No-Its-Fine-It-Will-Work Phase
The moment when I free the product from its packaging, swatch it on my hand, and realize – darn, I done made a mistake. But but but! No, I assure myself, no, the color isn’t “muddy”, it’s just really cool-toned. Or, yeah it smudges, but that means the eyeliner can blend out easily! Because I totally made the right decision to buy this high-end brand’s makeup, because I never make mistakes!! We all tell ourselves lies to get through tough times. Lies give us solace, lies give us peace.
#3 The Oh-No-Uh-Uh-I-Do-Not-Deserve-This Phase
The denial phase has run its course. Why does this always happen to you, why? You read all the online reviews, and almost everyone rated it 4.8 out of 5 stars. So, uh, why is it a 1 out of 5 stars for you? Does makeup just hate your face? Is their a chemical on your skin that makes colors turn disgusting on contact, or is your skin tone just not human? No, it’s the brand. I blame the brand. Actually, you know what?? I blame the whole makeup industry! Stop objectifying us! Stop demanding us to wear eyeshadows with so much fall out or greasy foundation! My anger begins to boil under my veins.
#4 The retreat-to-home-base phase
The situation is dire. You stop trusting people around you, and yourself, and the online community, because let’s be real, no one stopped you from that horrible mistake that you made at Sephora, not even the friendly salesperson. You can’t branch out and try new products any more – that only hurts you. So, your only resort is to snuggle in bed with your trusty old favorites, maybe buy some backups of those just in case they are discontinued. Your waterproof liquid eyeliner from 3CE that lasted all day? Check. Your mattifying powder that actually mattified (god bless its dry little soul)? Check. No more shopping for anything new or exciting, just stick to those you know best. You learned a lesson today, you did.
Hope that was a fun little post!
Also, a little update: starting the end of this week, I’ll be posting some reviews in both Chinese and English to practice my Chinese skills. 🙂 Get excited!